WEEKLY WRITER’S PATH #21
Why am I the only one who smells the rotting garbage in the kitchen? Why doesn’t the kitten cover his mess in the litter box? Why do I have to remind everyone to wash their dishes? Why do I drink coffee every morning when it hurts my stomach? Why do we keep bringing up the past? Why do I procrastinate doing the things I enjoy? Why am I tired of people asking me what my passion is? Why do I bother cleaning the bathroom mirror when it just gets dirty again? Why does it bother me when people don’t hire me? Why aren’t I elated when people come to me for help? Why does everything cost money? Why don’t my checks cover my bills? Why does my sister’s internet service provider keep bouncing back my message unless I find an old message, hit reply and write to her that way? Why did Apple come out with an Intel dual-core processor macbook pro that not only doesn’t run creative suite 2 any faster but, in fact, won’t run any of the pro software for video editors, graphic designers and creative people at all? Why do we feel we need more stuff? Why do I always remember the one night I spent with Ronnie in a stone-floored one-room house every time we make love? Why can’t I finish all the fun projects I have in mind? Why don’t I ever feel like I am ahead? Why does kitten sleep all day?
Because I am the mom. Because kitten is lazy. Because they want my voice in their heads all the time. Because drinking coffee is a habit and I am addicted to the making pouring stirring sipping part of it. Because we have not healed the past. Because I enjoy doing new things more than I enjoy finishing things, or because I am afraid of not finishing something perfectly. Because passion can be generated for anything. Because I like to see things clearly, if only for a moment. Because I feel they are making a mistake. Because although I like helping people, more work means more work. Everything costs money because we have designated it as the currency of exchange. My checks don’t cover my bills because 1) I don’t charge enough, or, 2) my bills are too big to be covered by my checks. The emails I send my sister keep bouncing because I am sending from an unrecognized domain name. Apple has released incompatible hardware because they have identified the new market share for the next ten years and it is windows-users. We feel we need more stuff because we have not cultivated the mindset of being satisfied. Because memories are stronger, sometimes, than reality. Because fun projects aren’t something I can exchange for food, rent, internet access. Because I keep putting things in front of me. Because kitten stays up all night crashing into the door to catch the mice that run over the back step just out of his reach.
